I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
