dude i'm inner monologue high
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
