found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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