bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
