I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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