When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
