so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
