For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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