The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
