What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
