we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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