i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize