Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
