Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
