Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
