Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
