butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My hand turned me down
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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