This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
