for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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