I love black thongs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
