Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
