1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would fuck him just for his dog
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