i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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