I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
