Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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