I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
