Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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