the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
