I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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