did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
