apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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