legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
