I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
