Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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