quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
