I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
