I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
