You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
