I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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