How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
