whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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