when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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