he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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