Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
