Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
