woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
