i was rollin on her like bob the builder
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
