Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
