apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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