I want to stick my p in your. b.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
