I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
