At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
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