i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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