I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
