The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
