I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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