Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
