So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
