Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
