somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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