I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
