Porn is love you can see.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
wow bdsm is so cute
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
