The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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