im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
is that a dick in a sweater?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
