Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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