I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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