He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
