You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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