i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
