Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
